Tottenham 1 – 2 Chelsea
Preamble: A few months ago this one would have had all the tension of a canal boating holiday. But with Martin Jol’s side strikers currently as adventurous as Freddie Flintoff on a Caribbean pedalo and that breathless 3-3 belter a few weeks ago, just like a life coach’s notepad, this one should be full of goals. The Premiership’s god du jour, Dimitar Berbatov, is back after he was rested at the weekend, as are Robbie Keane and Aaron Lennon.
Now that’s what I call keen: Chris Kabwato is so excited about the game that he sent this one in at 5.28pm, two hours and 32 minutes before kick-off: “This better be an exciting game Tim.” Good old, Tim. “I am tired of Chelsea’s ugly efficiency. I am a Gunners fan but envy Man United’s style this season. Can’t say the same for Roman’s Billionaire Boys.” For all their ugly efficiency, Chris, Chelsea are closing in on 100 goals this season (admittedly most of them came against Macclesfield in the third round, but it would be a small thing of beauty to see a side outside the big four win the FA Cup (the last time it happened was with Everton in 1995).
Now that’s what I call Keane: “I’m a big Robbie Keane fan,” writes Robbie Keane fan Kevin Mannerings. “He is on song at the moment, but he seems to be in and out of the team like I dunno what. Can you give us the story?” Well, I don’t think injuries have helped, but a lot of it is to do with Martin Jol’s reluctance to play a little-man little-man combination. I agree with you though, Kevin when he’s been playing, he’s looked almost as good as his days at Wolves.
Some team news: Tottenham: Robinson, Chimbonda, Young-Pyo Lee, Dawson, Rocha, Lennon, Zokora, Jenas, Malbranque, Berbatov, Keane. Subs: Cerny, Stalteri, Ghaly, Defoe, Huddlestone.
Chelsea: Cech, Diarra, Ashley Cole, Carvalho, Terry, Wright-Phillips, Lampard, Ballack, Mikel, Shevchenko, Drogba. Subs: Cudicini, Boulahrouz, Robben, Ferreira, Kalou. Referee: M Atkinson (W Yorkshire)
Even more canada goose coat 1000 bulbs reviews keenness: “I am hoping not just for excitement on the pitch, but a riveting MBM, Tom, as I am extraordinarily jetlagged (having got back to NYC at one this morning from London) and am currently barely keeping my eyes can you buy canada goose jacket online open”, says Grace Pickering. “Plus I obviously cannot listen to it due to something stupid like rights or summat. That I am a law student entitles me to think, with my “professional judgment”, that they are very stupid.” If you want to keep awake, you’re dealing with the wrong writer, Grace.
Gah: The BBC is still showing Holiday. It’s actually quite a good episode, they’re visiting Laos and Thailand – beautiful countries with lovely people – but for the first time in my life I’m wishing I could get a bit of Lineker on my screen.
Heckling news: “I’m so excited about the Boro match, I want you to ask that lazy bastard Adamson to write us some can you wash a canada goose parka preamble,” black canada goose parka blasts Gavin Twedily. He’s been told.
And we’re on: Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen (is there a smugger man – Lineker excepted – on TV?) is off the screens and we’re in for 94 minutes of football more pulsating than your average ribcage.
Namesakes: “My girlfriend, also an American-stuck-at-work, was totally indifferent to the MBM link I sent her until she saw your name: “WAIT, THE CULTURAL HISTORIAN TOM LUTZ?!” so, pray tell, are you Tom Lutz, scholar of both laziness and tears! And how do these factor into tonight’s game? (Fat Frank’s laziness leads to a solitary tear rolling down The Heroic John Terry’s face, PLEEEEASE!)” asks Steven Villereal. Afraid not, Steve. Although being a big fan of myself I have read his books, and they’re very good. But then again, I would say that.
1 min: And we’re off, the only thing more competitive than this beauty at the moment is the rumble in the jungle that is Shipwrecked: Battle of the Islands. “I’m stuck in the office in San Francisco, with only a box of paperclips to follow the benefits of canada goose jacket game with,” says soothsayer Jamie Land. “I just threw them all onto the desk, tea-leaf style, to see what the augers say. They landed in a perfect arrangement, spelling out ‘Chelsea 1, Tottenham 0′. Spooky, no?” Your paperclips aren’t too optimistic about attacking football, are they?
3 min: Flowing football from Spurs, Robbie Keane gets a pass just outside of the box with plenty of options, but he passes it to the linesman. Ashley Cole is being booed. Just another day at the office.
5 min: This one’s more open than a 24 hour conrnershop at the moment. Chimbonda breaks into the box like it, but Terry does what most Chelsea defenders have found tough recently and clears. The Robbie Keane has a shot blocked after typically brilliant craft from Berbatov.
7 min: Even Sheva’s looking sharp. He’s free but Ballack smacks it in from 20-yards and it misses by about 2 feet. “Berbatov has been the best signing for Spurs since Klinsmann but I can’t help but fear the worse and that he will leave at the end of the season,” says Seth Ennis.”"If it happens then Spurs will be doomed for another 10 years of mediocrity. When Klinsmann left, Spurs bought Chris Armstrong and Arsenal bought Bergkamp- the rest as they say is history! Don’t go Dimitar, don’t go!” I reckon he’ll be off Seth, sadly for Spurs.
11 min: Ballack sends in another shot, he’s threatening to have a decent game here. Frank Lampard has a new haircut that makes him look like a pageboy, why does these ultra-rich jokers find it so hard to get a decent short-back-and-sides? Chelsea are pressing at the moment and Dawson has to clear a good-ish cross from Chelsea, than Drogba is sent clear but is offside. Don’t think either side fancies extra-time at this stage in the season.
Paper clip news: “Maybe my paperclips are too optimistic – looking at the pile of clips again, it’s just possible that they are saying ‘Chelsea 10, Tottenham 0′. Surely not?” says Jamie Land. Ten it is, Jamie.
16 min: Zokora wastes a free-kcik in a good position, but then a testing cross from Chimbonda wins a corner that leads to Keane getting free in the area, he gets a bit excited though and the attack breaks down. It’s about even at the moment. In fact it is even because it’s 0-0.
18 min: Wright-Phillips continues what has been a good FA Cup for him, with a shot from just outside the area. It’s got decent whip on it, but goes comfortably over.
20 min: Malbranque has been lively, but loses the ball in midfield, Sheva gets it on the edge of the box, but blasts it over. Then some Lennon trickery almost creates a chance for Keane at the other end. This is all very busy at the minute, not too good for the RSI.
24 min: Spurs win another corner and Cech looks a bit dodgy as it swings in with a bit of pace. Dawson gets up well for the next corner and a grateful Cech sees it fly over. “I’ve been in the New World for 25 years and lost touch with the subtleties. Why would Spurs sell Bebatov surely they are one or two players shy of a world class team?” asks Michael Philip. Never underestimate the power of an unhappy player and lots of another club’s money, Michael.
27 min: “May I suggest you skip the match and give us the min-by-min on the paperclips instead? Riveting stuff, and almost certainly a better guide to form – ask Svennis,” chortles Rolf in Sweden. Chelsea have slowed things down a bit and dib and dab it back and forth at the back, eventually Wright-Phillips gets forward, but is tackled as he’s about to cross by the impressive Dawson.
30 min: Sorry, I know the commentary is upside-down (technical problems: I’m an idiot), but I’ll have to wait until half-time to try and sort it out. For all the business, there haven’t been too many clear cut chances yet.
34 min: Chelsea probe like an over-enthusiastic junior doctor but the result, a Diarra cross, goes out for a goal-kick after Drogba and Chimbonda run in to each other. It obviously gets Drogba’s blood pumping and he’s booked for a bit of dissent after Rocha backs into him.
37 min: “The art of the great sports headline appears to be dying, but I rather enjoyed one I saw concerning the Chelsea goalkeeper’s contract negotiations – “Big canada goose coat 1000 bulbs reviews cheque for Chelsea’s big Czech Cech”. Can MBMers beat that one?,” says the always reliable Gary Naylor. You can’t beat Super Cally are fantastic… in my book, Gary. Terry flies throught he air to head out a Lennon cross, it’s amazing how much more secure they look with him around.
40 min: “Have I missed the reports that Berbatov is unhappy?” wonders Richard Norris. “Watching both Sky Sports News and the Fox Soccer Report nightly here in Toronto, I have yet to see anything of his displeasure. Scoring goals and making a team great have to be something a player craves, not to mention being paid well to do it. Give him a few more quid and let him run riot.” He’s happy enough at the moment, but I reckon once a Champions League side wave a bit of money in his direction it may be a different story. I hope I’m wrong. Drogba wins a corner, but Lampard’s drive back in after it’s cleared is well wide of the mark.
43 min: “I suffer from Post Traumatic Spurs disorder, can you do me a favour and just say that Spurs won even if they didn’t?” says the traumatised Alasdair Philip. “I’m 5,000 miles away and won’t get to know the truth for a while.” Spurs are going to win this 10-0, don’t worry it’s in the paperclips. Like a Brett Easton-Ellis novel, Lampard’s latest corner comes to less than zero.
45 min: “Re headlines: Wenger Wonga makes Bergy Linga Longa was a good one,” sighs Simon Frank. “Arsene had just offered Dennis a contract extension.” If only the first-half had ended that magically. Chimbonda falls over, and Chelsea clear.
Half-time musings and lazy reporters: “Ever the pedant, I’d like to correct the reference to Cally Thistle: the actual headline read “Super Cally go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious”, but why let mere facts get in the way of lazy reporting?” savages Roland Marshall. Why indeed? The first few best mens canada goose parka of the first-half were very promising indeed, but Berbatov was stifled and for all the bustle (maybe because of the bustle) there were almost no clear cut chances. Drogba to stumble one in in the 86th minute, I think.
Tim: “Hi Tim.” Good old Tim. “What’s a cultural historian?” asks Patrick. Beats me, Potrick.
Because you’re worth it: Check it out! We are now at the top of the page. That was a hard ten minutes of cutting and pasting.
47 min: “On the topic of headlines, I liked (of more recent vintage): “Roo-turn to Svender” from when Rooney was passed fit for the World Cup last summer… doesn’t beat “Super Cally…” however,” best canada goose jacket womens says Jeff Bechthold. Nothing beats Cally.
49 min: Robbie Keane gets a decent cross in and Terry has to clear for a corner, there was a suspicion of handball from Keane though. Chimbonda latches onto Dawson’s flick on and Cech produces a good save. Best chance of the match. Fact.
51 min: Two chances in two minutes! Malbranque gives it more leather than a Clarks megastore, but Cech is equal to it sprawling down to his right, he held it too, which a lot of other keepers wouldn’t/couldn’t have.
53 min: Jenas produces a thrilling burst of speed and his cross is ushered away. Just like Rob Smyth’s letterbox circa February 14, the Chelsea defence is being swamped.
GOAL!!!!!!!! Spurs 0 – 1 Chelsea (Shevchenko 55min) What a goal from Sheva, on the right hand side of the box he curls one past Robinson and 35,000 odd people stare in admiration, and I swear with the beauty of it all. What a goal.
57 min: That goal was indecently beautiful, something you just want to take to bed and stare at and giggle with. Spurs came right back afterwards though, to their credit. It was against the run of play too.
GOAL!!!!!!! Spurs 0 – 2 Chelsea (SWP 60 min) Not another beauty! Drogba controls it with his chest right into the path of Wright-Phillips who dinks it into the corner from a tight angle. Thank God Ian Wright isn’t in the studio or we’d never hear the end of it.
64 min: This is cruel to buy canada goose jacket london Spurs, who were the better team up to Sheva’s goal. But two players who haven’t turned a game in a long time, have changed the game. You’ve got to see those two goals when you can. Mark Bright sounded like he had a pants eruption when he remembered Sheva’s. Not a nice sound.
68 min: “Can we have a quick poll to determine how many people reckon they work hard for their money?” asks Philip Jacobs. With beauties like that, I don’t need to do much. Apart from describe them poorly I suppose. Can Spurs come back here, Berbatov is very quiet, so probably not. Chelsea break and Sheva is clear, but he’s marginally off-side. Or maybe not judging by the replay.
69 min: “Just eight more goals and my paperclips are right,” says a proud Jamie Land.
73 min: “One of the best headlines has got to go to Cameroon player and absolute legend Mark Vivien-Foe (RIP) – after he was unhappy and wanted a transfer, but the club refused to sell him on – Fee high, Foe glum,” remembers Douglas Hewett. Sheva is looking as sharp as a Saville Row tailor at the moment. He’s muscled off the ball in the Spurs’ area by Chimbonda, but only just.
76 min: “Re: working hard for the money, I work bloody hard on the MBM and OBO for nothing (which is about a fair price),” says the prolific Gary Naylor. We all appreciate it Gary, we’ve even got a Gary Naylor day when we remember your best contributions. Or we should do anyway. Lennon has a shot, that cannons of a Chelsea defender but Jenas manages to curl the corner the wrong way and it goes out before it reaches Cech.
77 min: PENALTY!! AND GOAL!!!!!!!! (Spurs 1 – 2 Chelsea) Carvalho brings down Berbatov! Drogba sulks about something or other, the penalty, I imagine. Keane to take and he slots it to Cech’s right, Cech goes left.
79 min: It’s on like Donkey Kong. Spurs free-kick, Dawson flicks on, but Cech collects.
83 min: Sheva is off and Robben is on to waste a bit of time by diving. In fact, he nearly makes it 3-1 when he breaks free, but the impressive Dawson dispossesses him. This is about 53 times more exciting than the first-half, maybe 54.
85 min: Sorry about the lack of emails, but this is incredibly exciting, Staltieri is on for Rocha. A Spurs’ cross wriggles through the Chelsea defence, but Defoe (who is on now, I forgot to say) misses it.
86 min: “Could you please turn your commentary back around – we were in this until you started talking the right way up,” says the marvelously-monikered Jarrod Wilkinson-Smith. Blame the hecklers. SWP is subbed off, bless his little legs.
88 min: “Should Ricardo Carvalho have been sent off?,” asks a breathless Eoin Jones. In a word, no. There were a few other players hanging around.
90 min: “What Spurs need now is to bring Mido on – that’ll solve the problem,” chuckles Andy Bradshaw. Yep, should decide the, Andy. Carbalho is off the pitch injured, and they’ll have to defend with 10 men for a bit.
92 min: How long before Robsinson goes up front? Man U are through in the other game, by the way. Diarra is off for Ferreira.
93 min: Chelsea are bogging things down succesfully, Drogba is back in defence. Defoe has a half-chance which I miss as I’m typing. But judging by Motson’s screams it was fairly good.
95 min: Kalou jogs it into the corner and wins a corner. Game over? Yep, game over, the corner isn’t taken best canada goose jacket for men and it’s back to big four domination in the Cup. What a half of football though.
One last headline: “Here’s a good headline. Spurs 3 Chelsea 2,” giggles Ivan Victor. And a wishful one too. Some idiot runs on the crowd and attempts to take on the (very large) Chelsea team single-handedly. Spurs were the better side for a long time in that game, but each of those goals was worthy of winning a game. Thanks for all the emails, sorry I couldn’t use all of them.